


It's A Different Kind Of Danger (And The Bells Are Ringing Out).

by Lanna Michaels (lannamichaels)



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alderaanian Royal Customs, Arranged Marriage, Crack, Marriage of Convenience, Meeting the Parents, Organa Family Shenanigans, Pre-Canon, Prince Ben Organa, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-13
Updated: 2016-03-13
Packaged: 2018-05-26 12:28:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6239296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lannamichaels/pseuds/Lanna%20Michaels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The New Republic is offering up Prince Ben Organa for an arranged marriage. Kylo Ren is not amused.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's A Different Kind Of Danger (And The Bells Are Ringing Out).

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from Delilah by Florence + The Machine.

1.

It goes out on the galactic holonet: the New Republic, desperate for anything to help negotiate some trade deals, have offered to wed Prince Ben Organa to the firstborn of their trade partner. The offer is not accepted, but the gossip is out. For the first time in a generation, an Alderaanian Prince is on the marriage market.

Kylo Ren is not amused.

 

2.

"How could they do this?" Ren demands of the First Order's best lawyers. The best answer they can give is that, due to the differences in calculating years between planets, Prince Ben Organa (who _doesn't exist anymore_ , mom!) could still be considered a minor on Alderaan (which also doesn't exist anymore!) and therefore his parents can sign contracts on his behalf. Furthermore, the Alderaanian royal courts have considerable leeway in marrying off their offspring, so even if Ren could provide conclusive proof that he had aged above twenty-five years consistently on planets whose calendars Alderaan had acknowledged, back when Alderaan still existed, they could probably still do this to him anyway.

This isn't fair. Ren is going to track down everyone and murder them.

"Yes, indeed," Snoke intones when Ren reports to him. "That will be the plan."

"What?! Master," Ren adds carefully.

"I have taken your mother up on her offer," Snoke says.

"She's only doing this because she doesn't know where I am and wants to find me," Ren objects.

Snoke leans in, the hologram dwarfing Ren where he kneels. "Precisely. As she finds you, so will you find her. Luke Skywalker will surely attend the wedding of his only nephew."

Ren's head is spinning. "But, master, who will I be marrying?"

Snoke considers the question. "I believe General Hux will do nicely."

 

3.

"The fuck I will," General Hux thinks so loudly, Ren could just choke him for his insolence. Hux is always so composed on the surface, but Ren knows. Oh, Ren knows. Ren knows that beneath the surface lurks someone who would happily turn traitor for a particularly fine Corellian whiskey.

"The New Republic cannot force me to marry you," Ren grits out. "However, Leader Snoke can. So I suggest you take your objections and shove--"

Hux's brain is inventing some very useful swear words that Ren is going to remember for another time. " _Yes_ , Ren. Unlike you, I can obey orders without descending into profanity," oh, that _liar_ , "however, as my impression is that your family will not survive the wedding, I do not see why we would need to go through with the full ceremony. So I recommend you be careful. There is still time for you to have to present a stormtrooper to your parents as your intended. Some of the stormtroopers we have on sanitation duty would certainly love the reprieve."

Ren gives him a very effective stare. "You've never encountered Alderaanian wedding contracts, I see."

Hux cocks his head at Ren in a very elegant question, while inside he is starting to feel Ren's sense of impending doom. Good. Ren is glad he is not the only one in this situation who understands its dire, terrifying nature.

"Believe me, we're going to be married no matter how many people we kill," Ren says.

"And, ah, divorce?" Hux ventures.

Ren laughs. Cheerfully. Very, very cheerfully. He will stab anyone who disagrees with that assessment.

 

4.

"An Alderaanian royal has to get _how many_ people's permission to get divorced?" echoes through the corridors of the ship. Two stormtroopers stop and peer around a corner.

General Hux is in his office, surrounded by three apologetic lawyers. Lord Ren is nowhere to be found, but the stormtroopers could swear they can hear him destroying property. Somewhere else. Which they should go investigate. Later. But until then, perhaps there are some people who should be informed of this. People ranked above them. Yes.

 

5.

In exchange for the hand of Prince Ben Organa, the New Republic gets the opening talks for a new treaty with the First Order. It's a show of good faith. And once Ren finds someone who actually believes that, he will delve deeply into their minds until they never consider anything so foolish ever, ever again. 

"Mother, Father," Ren says. "Allow me to present General Hux of the First Order. You may recall him from the many battles he has won against you."

Beside him, Hux smiles tightly. He is thinking censorious things at Ren, who holds onto that in the sea of emotions as his mother hugs him. Hugs him! Him! Kylo Ren, Master of the Knights of Ren! The one who slaughtered all of Uncle Luke's Jedi! Why is his mother hugging him?

"Oh, Ben, we never thought we'd see your wedding day," his mother says. "We're so proud."

Ren probes her mind dubiously. The New Republic is sending war ships to take advantage of the First Order's distraction. Ah, that's more like it. Life makes sense again.

He's still not sure why he's being hugged, though.

 

6.

"I didn't realize Alderaanians went into a wedding like most would go to war," Hux says. The lawyers for the two sides are still fighting over the final details of the marriage contract. Ren's father is standing aloof in a corner, his arms crossed, glaring at Hux. Hux keeps looking over his shoulder at him, clearly unnerved.

"He wants to know how long you've been fucking me," Ren says with great glee. Oh, it is beautiful to watch Hux's face turn red, to see him sputter and try to maintain his composure. "He does not approve of you at all. He would prefer that I ended up marrying one of Chewbacca's grandchildren."

"That would gain them no political advantage," Hux says, searching through himself for some composure and eventually finding it.

"My father was a smuggler before he joined the rebellion," Ren says. "My mother doesn't care about political advantage. She only did this out of maternal concern. They should have had more children. If they'd had a spare, we never would have had to go through this travesty."

Hux rolls his eyes at Ren's familial angst. "While they're arguing, point out to me the Minister of Fertility. I want to know how to start divorce proceedings."

"Oh, they never replaced Minister Fardem after the planet was destroyed," Ren says. Hux perks up, assuming this obviously makes the process easier. Ren smirks. If he's going to have to wear this absurd regalia and elaborate braids, he's going to get as much enjoyment out of this as possible. "But we'd still need to get her permission."

"But she's dead!" Hux objects.

"And has been for more than thirty years," Ren agrees. "Isn't it such a shame."

"I'm going to run you through with your own lightsaber on our wedding night," Hux promises.

"Mm. Just don't drink too much. The consummation is in the contract, and I need your dick to work for that." Ren smiles at Hux's distress. "Don't worry. We only need to do it once."

"I assure you, Lord Ren, that is once too many." Hux stares at the lawyers some more. "What if we don't do it?"

"Financial penalties on the family of the one who refuses to go along with it," Ren says. Hux seems agreeable to that, so Ren adds, "for a start. The penalties pile up, even if you do pay them. And then I get to start reneging on my end of the deal. But, ah, the marriage doesn't end. It merely becomes more and more unpleasant for you."

"That's fine, I'll take a star destroyer and leave you twelve systems away," Hux says. "It can't compel us to remain together. Consider your parents."

"My parents had a child to prove their consummation," Ren says dryly. "They can stay as far away from each other as they please. Close your eyes and think of Leader Snoke, if you must."

Hux grinds his teeth together. "Ren," he projects clearly in his mind, "stop trying to help."

 

7.

After the seventh day of deliberations, Hux leans in close to Ren. "The contract conditions are enforced by the Alderaanian royal court," he murmurs.

Ren nods in agreement.

"A court that does not accept the First Order's jurisdiction," Hux continues. "And whose authority is not recognized in return."

Ren nods again.

"Ren, I am going to throw you into the brig once we get back on the ship."

Ren smiles slowly.

"And feed you parts of your own body, for the sheer joy of watching you suffer."

"Careful, General," Ren whispers. "One might begin to think you care."

 

8.

And after all that, Skywalker doesn't even show up.

"I know you're disappointed, dear," his mother says, patting his hand. "But, since he disappeared, we didn't know where to send the invitation to."

Ren is going to destroy so many things with the power of the Force, once he is no longer surrounded by his nearest and dearest... enemies. "It doesn't feel right without him here," Ren says.

"It's okay, I wanted to murder him, too," his mother says, and then all the blasters come out and the battle begins.

"Finally," Hux shouts from across the room. 

From the opposite corner, Chewbacca roars his agreement. Ren's father pokes him angrily. "Don't agree with my evil son-in-law! He's evil!"

 

9.

"I am never going to an Alderaanian wedding again," Hux declares, brushing ash from his uniform.

"Fine," Ren says. "Now we just have to do it again with your family's customs. My mother gave me an address to send her invitation to."

"Your mother just tried to kill me," Hux objects forcefully.

"A well-regarded Alderaanian tradition with a long storied history," Ren says with a straight face. "You have to prove your suitability to the family, after all, if your genetics are going to contribute to the next generation."

"We are not having children, Ren!"

 

10.

"Well?" Snoke demands, peering down at the two kneeling forms.

"The mission was a failure, master," Ren reports. "But much valuable intelligence was gathered. I am confident that at our second wedding, we shall finally succeed in killing Luke Skywalker."


End file.
